So Michael Jackson's dead. We all know that right? If you don't then you obviously live in a cave in the bush.

To be perfectly honest I'm surprised he even lasted this long. I would have thought that creepy face of his would have melted off his strange alien cheeks years ago. Any wonder he always went around wearing a surgical mask. I would too if I looked like the stuff nightmares are made of.

Apparently though, people across the globe are so distressed at his unexpected (hardly) passing and have decided to chuck their lot in and catch up with him in the otherworld. How insane is that? These idiots, who've presumably never even met the guy, or had anything to do with him beyond listen to his shitty music for the last squillion years and maybe seen him in concert once or twice, are topping themselves over their distress at his demise.

WHAT THE FUCK?

I have no idea if half the shit that's been said about him over the last few decades is actually true or not, but let me review what I DO know (which to be truthful is sweet fuck all because his music sucks, although I will concede his talent as an entertainer):

• He was born black man and died a white man. How does one go from being a reasonably attractive black dude to a hideous freak of a white man? Oh and not only that, the hypocrite famously sang "It don't matter if you're black or white". Obviously he couldn't take his own advice (I'm choosing to believe that his transition was intentional and not a 'skin condition').
• He was accused of molesting children. Seriously creepy.

Why on earth would you go and kill yourself because he dies? Your lifelong spouse who dies after 100 years of marriage I can understand, but some weird dude you didn't even know? WTF? How sad are these people's lives?