Running and I do not share a mutual fondness. I believe running is for people trying to escape serial killers and should not be included on anyone's list of favourite pastimes, let alone be considered a competitive sport. Surely the people left alive at the end of the killer's rampage are testament to their running prowess? However, I'm fairly certain that if a serial killer came a-knocking I'd develop a sudden urge to indulge in the activity if; A) his knives are bigger than mine; B) He's twice my size and thus my inner Liam Neeson decides to hide under my skirts or C) he's packing a bazooka.

I loathe running and it most certainly does not agree with women with large breasts and previously dislocated knee joints therefore we avoid each other as much as possible,

I find that people who run for fun are snobby, lycra-wearing, elitist pigs who disdain those of us who prefer to get our sporting kicks in a manner more courageous than pissbolting away - does it strike anyone else as odd that people are praised for what essentially amounts to cowardice, running away? And I now have proof that running for fun will in fact cause you harm!

Feast your eyes on this!

Take that elitists! Be careful who you next mock for their inability to complete a 5km run in under an hour - you might accidentally die in a fire. Running will kill you.