The word that has been getting up my nose the most as of late has to be the word fiance. I'm hearing it every day now and I want to scratch my eyes out every single time I do.

It may or may not have something to do with the fact that most of my friends and family have now hit their mid 20s or are pushing 30 and mad panic buttons are being switched on inside their brains as they all rush down the aisle with their parter of the moment. This is not necessarily a good thing and I can see several marriages being formed that are set to fail right from the outset. I don't have any particular issue with any of my friends or partners getting married, I just don't think some of them should marry each other just because they're suddenly of the age where it is expected and failure to aquire a permanent partner by a certain age seems to signify that there's something wrong with you and you are subsequently shunned from civilised society like a leper.

It may also have something to do with the fact that it looks too much like the word finance which is a doom and gloom word all on it's own. When you consider it in conjunction with the word fiance, it's a sure sign that the apocalypse is near, your life is over and you will be thus relegated to domesticity for the rest of your existence. If you're a man that means you have to work to supply your woman with all the pointless riches she desires and cave in to all of her insane demands to eventually go completely mental and have an early onset mid-life crisis complete with Ferrari and young mistress and then the cycle repeats. If you're a woman it means having to quit your job to clean toilets for a pig who can't do anything for himself and be turned into a glorified brood mare until you're too old and haggard to be anything more than a piece of the furniture that everyone shits all over.

But the thing that really gets me about the word fiance, is the way in which people say it. Go on. Ask some bint with a big whopping sparkler on her digit something really innocuous like "Where did you say your partner worked again?" and she will tilt her head upwards, place her left hand upon her breast so you can't miss the diamonds twinkling in the light and say "Oh well my feee-on-say" like she's suddenly the Queen talking down to the masses of peasants huddled underneath her balcony hoping for a glimpse of their benevolent leader. Every single time, no matter what manner of woman you speak to, she always puts on airs when she says the word fiance. I hate it. It's cultural snobbity, like it's some sort of status symbol to have managed to snag someone who wants to put up with your shit for the rest of ever. I'm not sure what guys do, most of my guy friends are all either metalheads or supernerds and they collectively refer to their women as exactly that, "me woman".

I have a fiance. Just writing that made me want to slit my wrists so that I don't inadvertently let my brains dribble out of my ears when I tilt my head and start babbling about wedding plans.  It's embarrassing watching people fall all over themselves getting all giggly and gushy and I hate it when people start asking stupid questions about venues, themes, reception menus and what colour the fucking colour scheme is. I cannot stress enough how much I do not care about any of that bullshit. Which is why, I refrain from naming my significant other as anything other than "my man" (my male friends have a point) and nor did I tell anyone when we decided we would eventually get married, and that's what it was, a decision that we would maybe eventually one day get married, none of that stupid proposal bollocks. Ugh. Romance is lame and incredibly embarrassing if you are the recipient.

Anyway, the point is, I can't even say the word fiance without wanting to vomit in my mouth. It's a stupid word and it turns rational women into insane Bridezillas.

I need to eat dinner now. Goodbye.